When Two Worlds Collide: Understanding AuDHD in Midlife Women
For many midlife women, a diagnosis of either ADHD or autism brings a wave of clarity. But for some, even that clarity feels incomplete. The tools don’t always work. The explanations don’t quite fit. Something still feels like it’s missing.
That "something" could be AuDHD: the co-occurrence of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
While autism and ADHD were historically seen as mutually exclusive, updated diagnostic criteria (DSM-5, 2013) now recognise that they can co-occur. And increasingly, that overlap is being recognised in adults—especially women—who were socialised to mask, to cope, and to outperform their symptoms for decades.
According to the National Autistic Society, up to 50% of autistic people may also meet the criteria for ADHD.1 And as ADHD UK notes, it’s increasingly common to see signs of autism in those diagnosed with ADHD, particularly when diagnosis comes in adulthood.2 But what does this mean in practical terms?
For women in midlife, AuDHD can feel like a lifetime of contradictions:
Wanting routine, but never quite managing one
Feeling overwhelmed by social situations, but craving deep connection
Being intensely focused, until you’re suddenly not
Living in a constant loop of overthinking, forgetting, and trying to "keep up"
These may not be personality quirks. They may be signs that both conditions are in play—and that you’ve spent a long time trying to function in a world that doesn’t account for how your brain actually works.
So, what next? If you’ve already been diagnosed with one condition and still feel like the pieces haven’t quite fallen into place, or if you’re simply curious whether both might be part of your experience, here are three gentle, practical ways to begin:
1. Pay attention to patterns, not just moments
One bad day isn’t a sign of anything on its own. But consistent difficulties with things like transitions, emotional regulation, social exhaustion, or managing time and tasks? That pattern might point toward AuDHD traits worth exploring.
2. Reflect on your coping strategies
Many women with AuDHD are expert maskers. You might have spent decades mimicking what "works" for others, building routines that require extreme effort to maintain, or excelling professionally while quietly burning out. If the cost of coping feels higher than it should, it might be worth asking why.
3. Make room for curiosity
You don’t need a crisis to ask questions. You don’t have to prove you’re struggling enough. Curiosity is enough. Start with a journal, a trusted conversation, or simply paying closer attention to your own rhythms and reactions.
And if you do want to explore further, a formal assessment can offer clarity. Here at the Autism ADHD Centre, we provide comprehensive adult assessments in Brighton & Hove and London, using gold-standard tools and a neuroaffirming approach tailored to each individual.
Because understanding isn’t simply about receiving a diagnosis. It’s about making sense of your story. And for many women, recognising the possibility of both autism and ADHD is the missing piece they didn’t know they were looking for.
References:
National Autistic Society (2023). Co-occurring Conditions and Autism. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/co-occurring-conditions
ADHD UK (2024). ADHD in Adults. https://www.adhduk.co.uk